06 Making friend with your best partner
I wrote how to relax last time. Some people may feel it is difficult especially in public. I often think why it is so difficult. It is “my body,” so I should be able to do that anytime.
In my case, it is because my ego cares outside or other people too much. I often think “Am I bothering somebody?” or “Did I say a bad thing?” Or, some people are busy wish justifying themselves by making excuses in their mind or some are increasing anger by rehearsing a future battle.
Our mind is usually occupied with full of thoughts to care for the other’s reaction to protect our ego. We care outside too much in an unconstructive way, and we sacrifice own relaxation. That’s why you feel good when you enter an empty room, lock the door and being alone. You are locked but released.
If you are like me, then, I recommend meditating alone first. Make your private meditation place where nobody will enter for a while. Turn off your phones or internet. Tidy and clean as much as you can. And just sit there. The important thing is that you are welcoming you as a special guest. It is your time. You don’t have to care about the others, but you welcome yourself as a single special guest.
Then, listen to your mind. Talk to your mind first. Make friend with your mind to know your mind better.
To make an example, I am trying now. In my case, my mind replies by popping up a Japanese vegetarian food. The image came from my experience in Japan beyond the time and space. I feel happy with the memory.
Then, I continue to communicate with my mind. “Thank you for the image. I could re-experience the happy moment.” Keep some conversation like this a few times until you feel comfortable with your mind. It is like children’s play, and the point is to enjoy it. Then, let’s ask a favor. “Now, I want to be nice to my body and mind. Let’s have a quiet time.”
If your mind listens to you, then, you enjoy calmness, openness, and stillness. If your mind does not slow down to project the random thoughts, then, you tell your mind, “You can keep projecting the thoughts, but I will be calm for only 15 minutes. I cannot play with you for a while.”
Then, you just observe your thoughts when your mind pops thoughts up. A master described that it’s like grandparents watching their grandchildren play. You don’t ignore or reject but just observe.
If it is still difficult for you to just observe, you simply focus on breathing. Breathe in and out. You concentrate on listening to the sound of breathing. Then, you will notice a moment when your mind is calm. It is like a dog fall asleep because you do not play with him.
Please try this. The point is to enjoy the process as much as you can. And enjoy the moment when you are not angry, or you are not worried anything. You are the special guest, and you enjoy calmness, stillness, openness. And if you continue this meditation every day, your mind becomes your best partner to support your steady progress. If your mind is on your side, then anything is possible.